A memoir by Christopher T. Perkins

All the Ghosts
I Bring Home

A nurse’s account of the lives we save, the damage we hide, and the decision to stay alive when your own mind has become the emergency.

Hardcover · Paperback · Kindle

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Cover of All the Ghosts I Bring Home by Christopher T. Perkins

A true story of the lives we save
and the parts of ourselves we lose.

01 — The book

Some things don't stay at the hospital.

The ghosts follow us home.

At seventeen, Christopher learned how to sit beside the dying. Later came the Level I trauma ER: overdoses, crashes, codes, and the expectation that when one room was reset, he would walk into the next as if nothing had happened.

After a string of devastating cases, the quiet after each shift became louder than the alarms. PTSD, anxiety, and severe depression followed him home. One morning, he began planning how to end his life.

Then he made a different call.

This is not a story about being fearless.
It is a story about being afraid
and choosing to stay.

Medication. Therapy. ICU shifts. Relapses into silence. The slow, unfinished work of becoming someone who could tell the truth.

Why I wrote it

Silence protects
the wrong things.

“I wrote this book because too many healthcare workers are praised for staying calm while quietly falling apart. The experiences we carry deserve language, and the people carrying them deserve more than another instruction to be resilient.”

Read: Why I Wrote This Book

This book is for you if

You have ever carried a shift home.

01

You are a nurse who has driven home in tears—or in a silence you could not explain.

02

You have wondered whether you were too weak for work that was breaking your heart and mind.

03

You love a nurse and want to understand why this work changed the person who comes home to you.

Inside the book

What the pages hold.

Trauma

Repeated exposure to suffering.

Identity

How caring for others can become inseparable from identity.

Mental Health

The difference between recognizing distress professionally and recognizing it personally.

Survival

Complicated rather than polished.

Healthcare

The human beings beneath credentials, uniforms, and expectations.

Reader reviews

In their words.

Readers are sharing their experiences with All the Ghosts I Bring Home on Amazon.

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No neat ending. No empty inspiration.

Just the truth.

What happens when the person saving everyone else becomes the one who needs help.

All the Ghosts I Bring Home does not ask healthcare workers to become more resilient to the unbearable. It names the injury. It refuses the shame. And it shows what survival can look like when healing is real, imperfect, and still in progress.

Preview on Amazon

Content note & support

You do not have to carry this alone.

If this book feels too close to what you are living right now, pause here. Reaching for help is not weakness. It is the next life-saving step.

Are you in immediate danger? Call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.
Veterans, service members & loved ones

Veterans Crisis Line

Call 988 and press 1, text 838255, or connect through confidential online chat. VA enrollment is not required.

Mental health & substance use support

SAMHSA National Helpline

Free, confidential treatment information and referrals, available around the clock in English and Spanish.

These resources are based in the United States. This website does not provide medical care and is not a substitute for professional evaluation or emergency services.

Support resources

The person behind the pages

Christopher T. Perkins
Christopher T. Perkins in professional attire

He did not write this from a safe distance.

Christopher T. Perkins, BSN, RN, began working in healthcare as a certified nursing assistant at seventeen. His career has included Level I trauma emergency nursing, ICU and emergency department charge nursing, and healthcare leadership. He is currently pursuing a Master of Healthcare Administration.

Meet Christopher

All the Ghosts I Bring Home

Some stories stay with us.
This one came home.

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